Need thoughts on a story

[Se Ri Ka]

Hey guys, I figured since you all are the (real) thing, I might as well get your thoughts and opinions on some writing skillz I'm trying to improve. Feel free to comment on any re-phrasing, authenticity, or ideas.

Its called "The Night is Young"

As you close the door behind her, all you can think about is how horrible the evening

[Se Ri Ka]

(2 days later) ....that bad eh ? its because I'm stock isn't it... isn't it >=(

[po9i]

im stock aslo

[CeliRacer]

Great story. Is the story for a creative writing class? Although most of us understand what street racing is, Those who don't know it might not comprehend with some of the wording that is in the story.

For instance:

Despite the other car having a good jump, you both slow down as you close within reach of oncoming traffic.

Here an unknown reader to street racing might not understand the meaning of "having a good jump." The second part of the sentence sounds at first like it single person racing. Something like: "Despite the other car rapidly rushing quicker, They both slow down as oncoming traffic closes ahead..


Without hesitation you gun through weaving in and out the cars left and right changing signals even before you pull out in front the cars ahead of you

Someone might not know what "gun through weaving in and out......" They might understand better if it was worded: "Without hesitation, you speedily accelerated foward weaving in and out, two cars in the night going left and right, changing signals, even before you pull out in front of the cars ahead of you.


IMO, great story, alot of detailed scenes, and an interesting ending.

[Se Ri Ka]

Ahh feedback, enlightenment! Thank you!

I must say I'm very pleased to find someone acknowledging those specific phrases. But no, its not for any particular class, I'm just trying to explore other new avenues other than this engineering track that I've been geared to for so long. By coincidence, while writing for my english proffesors @ ucf, they questioned whether or not I've ever considered a writing career. However, I've never written any fiction before.

I suppose I used some of the racing terminology in hopes to reach a certain age group or audience. Its more or less trying to manipulate the actual meaning of certains words for their implied feelings that they initially give off to people.

For example: "To gun through" while the implicit thing to envision is a person pulling out a 9mm barreta, it still implies ideas of quick motion, high velocity, or instinctive rage.

But hey thanks for your input, I'll try to re-evaluate the wording to reach a broader audience, It would certainly help.

[CeliRacer]

It was a good story. I liked how you started the story by setting a background and how you detailed the race. For me its easier to write a fictional story than a real life drama story.

[Acilec]

Hey Ken! Great story man. I'm no creative-writing expert but I enjoyed it. Very detailed yet somewhat poetic. It tells a story and has everything it needs. A+ man!

Fin

[jotan82]

sorry, haven't had time to read :wiggle: