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haha i read this on the other forum...i laughed my asss off while i was reading it.

Originally posted by Russia1
^That's too much power to even be out on the road at the same time, let alone racing. The world may end, think before you do this

They warned me, but I had to do it. I found the other two best racers in the world, GeoKillerTT and DamnCar. I knew the Mclaren F1 and Geo Metro would be childs play compared to these high performance drivers, in their Soopra Twin Turbos. But regardless of the terror it may cause or the hearts it would break, I had to race them, and prove ultimate supremacy over the Supraforums races that never even happened.

Approaching my favorite stoplight, I saw them both. I had previously shot each of their cars with a whale tracking device so that I would know when both of their cars were together. I just received a reading on my Gaydar that both were stopped at the 450/Rt. 3 stoplight. I flipped down my racing mask on my motorcycle helmet, and I pushed the gas. The bitches in my car were like, "Ohhhhhh Mark you're sooooooooo sexy." But I was like, "Bitches, now is not the time." So I began throwing the bitches out the window immediately. Against these two high performance drivers, I had no time to waste, and could not be weighed down from the start. I flipped off my targa top and it conveniently laid right in the road for another 18 wheeler to run over and cost me another 900 dollars, but I didn't care, because I was going to race for slips. My trusty dog was with me, so I knew I had luck on my side. As I emerged from the turn, I saw them there, waiting at the green light for me. They knew I was coming. Any true high performance driver can sense competition nearing.

As I pulled toward them, many thoughts entered my head. I remembered what Vin told me about double clutching, but then I remembered that I have an automatic, so that wouldn't do me any good. I remembered that I needed more NOS than they both had, so I lifted up my driver's seat and revealed 25 500 shot bottles of NOS. Dog said, "ARF!" and I sensed that he knew I meant business this time. I was ready to race, Supraforums Bullblahblahblahblah style.

I approached and pulled right in between both of them. "Well hello, bitches," I said.
"WHAT?! MarksSupra33? I thought you were banned?" exclaimed GeoKillerTT.
"Only for a little while, but I'm back to show you perpetratin' muthablahblahblahblahas who the real McCoy is when it comes to the Imaginary Races That Could Never Possibly Happen."
"Damnit, GeoKillerTT, I don't know if my damn car can handle the speed and power of MarksSupra33 and his awesome driving style. I didn't know it was HIM coming, who would've thought he'd be back?" said DamnCar.
"Nevermind that, bitches," I said. "We have business to attend to. You muthablahblahblahblahas............have mail."
And it was on.

Dog got ready, and I started gunning the engine to make a lot of smoke cuz I burn oil like a bitch and it's sexy racing in fog. I looked toward GeoKillerTT as he fastened his doors tight so they wouldn't fall off. DamnCar was fastening his talking Hamster into his custom tiny Corbeau racing seat. We all gunned our engines, and random bitches showed up to start the race. As they all took off their shirt for me and then dropped the underwear in their hands, we took OFF!

Since we all have the EXACT same car (and I mean exact), we were neck and neck! "Let the NOS pushing begin, blahblahblahblahers!" yelled GeokillerTT. Swoosh, swoosh, SWOOSH! NOS everywhere! Flying by I could barely see all the titties that the girls were flashing at me, but I didn't care. I wanted to be the best. I kept pushing to NOS Buttons, my car was screaming. Approaching 350 mph, my car began to FLY! I was wondering why, because my gigantic park bench spoiler should keep it on the ground. I looked over into my passenger seat and E.T. was sitting there! No wonder I was flying! "E.T., get the blahblahblahblah out of my car!" I said. "Okay, sorry." I threw E.T. out of the window for weight savings, and I dropped back down to the road. Still neck and neck, I knew NOS wouldn't save me this time. I needed.........


I pulled over for a pit stop, and I called Cordeez. "Cordeez, I need a triple turbo upgrade, and FAST!" "Sure Mark, I'll be right there, you awesome studly high performance driver." Cordeez showed up with some hot bitch mechanics that he's always having sex with. Right away they got to work, and had my three custom, triple-ball bearing, T88 turbos on my car! I said thanks and took off! "Man, that guy sure is awesome," Cordeez said, as the girls were all rubbing themselves and moaning.

I caught up to GeoKillerTT and DamnCar in no time, since this was a 50 mile straight race. We were at mile 45 and I had to pull even with them and give them the middle finger. That's exactly what I did. Talking Hamster gave me the bird in return. But I was like, "Jokes on you, little blahblahblahblaher." and my dog hopped into DamnCar's Damn Car, and unfastened Talking Hamster's seat belt! He went flying out the window! DamnCar veered off to save the hamster. One down, now I had to deal with GeoKillerTT. He was already crying because he knew he would lose, not having three triple ball-bearing T88s like I had. I knew just how to handle him. I opened up my broken center console and pulled out a Geo Metro! (they're really tiny cars) I threw the vehicle right at him, and hit him right in the face! BOOM! His car exploded. "Serves that guy right, picking on Geo's." I said to Dog. I was home free. As I approached mile 50, Vin Diesel and everyone was waiting for me. I crossed the finish line, and hit my e-brake so that I did 35 360 degree spins to get style points. There were three bitches with their blahblahblahblah busting out of their shirts that proceeded to hold up scorecards that read 10. I knew they wanted to have sex with me. So that's exactly what I did. Afterwards, I came outside and everyone hoisted me up onto their shoulders. They hoisted Dog, too. I knew that we were the champions of the That blahblahblahblah Could Never Even blahblahblahblahing Happen, Mark races. I was the best driver in the world, and I still had my dog with me. I doubt that any kill could ever top this one. I am the king of high performance.

Disclaimer: No animals were actually harmed in the making of this race. It's all just bullblahblahblahblah, really.

861 Posts
Originally posted by alphasubzero949
Not funny at all.
:werd: i was thinking that it might have been because it was early when i read it, and the coffee hadn't yet kicked in yet, that i thought it wasn't funny, but now i know for sure!
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