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Woman's Perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Woman's Revenge

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the

woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet

I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come

shopping with me, and I figured this was the most

evil thing I could do to him legally."

Understanding Women

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax

pour it onto your upper thigh,

rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.

Marriage Seminar

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with

communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the

instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know

the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and

whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

Cigarettes and Tampons

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down

the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can

help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of

tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct

aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton

balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused,

"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your

wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife

to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,

and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling

papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.

( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

Wife Vs. Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,

not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an

argument and neither of them wanted to concede their

position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,

and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many

words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we

have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Creation

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you

can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made

me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Who Does What

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up

first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking

around here and you should do it, because that is your

job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it

is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee"

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New

Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,

that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
 
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